Handy Blondy

Two blondes are nailing in roof tiles. One of them is pulling nails from his jar and if they face him, he throws them away. The other blonde asks what he's doing.
"Duh. I'm throwing away the defective ones."
"No, stupid! Those are for the other side of the roof."

The Midget Scopes the Blonde

A midget is riding a bus when a blonde steps on him.
“Hey you, brunette, watch where you're going,” yells the midget.
The blonde looks down and says, “I am not a brunette, I am a blonde.”
The midget replies, “Not from where I'm standing.”

Three Girls Meet the Fairy

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are crossing an enchanted bridge in Magical Fairyland when they run into a fairy. The fairy says that they can be granted a transformation if they jump off the bridge and call out their wish.

The brunette immediately jumps off the bridge and yells "Eagle!" She turns into a beautiful bird of prey and flies away.

The redhead jumps off the bridge and yells out "Salmon!" She turns into a gorgeous shimmering salmon and swims upstream to spawn.

The blonde is at this point so excited that she jumps off the bridge without thinking of her wish. She panics.
"Crap!"

Deer Tracks

Three blondes were taking a walk in the country when they came upon a line of tracks. The first blonde said, "Those must be deer tracks!"
The second blonde said, "No, stupid, anyone can tell those are rabbit tracks!"
The third blondie said, "No, you idiots, those are horse tracks!"
They where still arguing ten minutes later when a train hit them.

The Muffler

A blonde got a dent in her car and took it in to the repair shop.

The repairman, noticing that the woman was a blonde, decided to have a wee bit of fun. So he told her that all she had to was take it home and blow in the tailpipe until the dent popped itself out.

After 15 minutes of this, the blonde's blonde friend came over and asked what she was doing.
"I'm trying to pop out this dent, but it's not really working."
"Duh. You have to roll up the windows first!"

Bad Blondes, Whatcha Gonna Do?

A blonde and a brunette are out driving, and the brunette tells the blonde to look out for cops - especially cops with their lights on. After they've been driving for a while, the brunette asks the blonde if she's seen any cops.
"Yes," says the blonde.
"Are their lights on?"
The blonde has to think for a moment, then says, "Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No."

The Burning Building

One day a blonde, brunette, and redhead were on top of a burning building. When the firemen got there they stretched the trampoline out and told the brunette to jump. She jumped, then the firemen moved back and she died.
Then they moved back and told the redhead to jump. She said ''No! I saw what you just did!'' The firemen replied, ''we don't like brunettes, we won't move this time!'' So she believed them and jumped. They moved again, then returned to where they were.
Then they told the blonde to jump. She replied ''No I saw what you did to them!'' The firemen said, ''we don't like brunettes or redheads, we like blondes!'' She then said ''OK! I'll tell you what to do! All of you put the net on the ground and BACK UP!'

We Don't Swerve Blondes Here

A cop pulled over a car for swerving all over the road. The blonde at the wheel looked very confused and scared.
"What's going on here, ma'am?"
"Well, I was driving along when all of a sudden there was a tree right in my path. I swerved to miss it, but there was another tree. And after that, another, and another." The cop looked inside her car and sighed.
"Ma'am. That's your air freshener

Blonde on the Run

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are on the run from the law when they find an old barn to hide out in.

The police are close on their tails, so when the women find three sacks, they immediately jump into them. About a minute later, a policeman comes into the barn and sees the suspicious-looking sacks. He kicks the first one.
"Meow," says the redhead.
"It must be a cat," thinks the policeman and he kicks the second sack.
"Woof," says the brunette.
"Must be a dog," thinks the policeman and he kicks the third sack.
"Potatoes," says the blonde.

Three Girls in the Desert

A blonde, brunette and redhead are in a desert.

The brunette says, "I brought some water so we don't get dehydrated."

The redhead says, "I brought some suntan lotion so we don't get sunburned."

Then the blonde says I brought a car door."

The other girls said, "Why did you bring that?"

Then the blonde says, "So I can roll down the window if it gets hot."

Blonde with Chickens

A blonde is walking down the street and a car pulled up next to her.
The man in the car says to her, ''What do you have in the bag?''
The blonde replies: ''I have chickens!''
The man thinks for a moment and says, ''If I can guess how many chickens you have in the bag, can I have one?''
The blonde thinks that it sounds fair and replies, ''Okay, but I'll make the bet even better! If you can guess how many chickens I have in the bag I will give you BOTH of them

Blonde on Fire

A blonde's house was on fire. She called 911 and started screaming, "Help me, please! My house is burning! Hurry!"
The operator said, "Okay, calm down and we'll be there soon. How do we get to your house?"
The blonde answered, "Duh, in that big red truck!

Puzzling

George W. Bush is sitting in the White House kitchen putting together a puzzle and having a very difficult time of it.

The first lady comes into the kitchen, and asks what he's doing.
Very frustrated, George says, "I'm trying to do this tiger puzzle, but I can't seem to make the pieces fit right."
Laura Bush sighs and says, "Put the Frosted Flakes back in the box, dear, and come to bed."

Death in the Family

One day, a blonde's neighbor goes over to her house, sees the blonde crying, and asks her what happened.

The blonde said that her mother had passed away. The neighbor made her some coffee and calmed her down a little and then left.

The next day the neighbor went back over to the house and found the blonde crying again. She asked her why she was crying this time.
''I just got off of the phone with my sister, her mother died too!''

Lightning Blonde

Why does a blonde smile at lightning?
She thinks she's getting her picture taken.

Hanging with Blondes

There were nine blondes and a brunette hanging of a rope 100 stories high. They had decided that one of them had to get off.
They argued and argued and finally the brunette said ''I'll go.''
The brunette made a touching speech and all the blondes clapped.

a magic lamp

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were stuck on an island for many, many years until one day they found a magic lamp. They rubbed it hard and out popped a genie. He said that he could only give three wishes so since there were three girls, each would get one wish.
The redhead went first. ''I hate it here. It is too hot and boring. I want to go home!'' "Okay,'' replied the genie. And off she went.
Then the brunette went. ''I miss my family, my friends and relatives. I want to go home, too!!'' And off she went.
The blonde started crying and said, ''I wish my friends were back here.

I made it

One day two girls were trying out for the school cheerleading squad. One was a blonde and one was a brunette. After they both had tryouts, they went home to wait until the results were posted. The blonde goes to see if she made it that night.

Once she found out she made it she got out her cell phone and called the brunette, but she didn't answer, so the blonde just went back home. The next day the brunette called the blonde to see if she wanted to go with her to look at their scores.

The blonde says sure and meets the brunette at the school. The brunette beats the blonde to the school, so she goes ahead and looks at the scores to find out they both made it.

When the blonde gets there, she finds her name on the list again. Then she says, ''Yes!! I made it again, I made it last night and I made it again today. I am on a roll!''

Two blonds

Two blondes are on opposite sides of a lake.
One blonde yells to the other, "How do you get to the other side?"
"You are on the other side," the other blonde yells back.

Hurry

Two blondes were shopping at the mall. When they were done, they went out to their car, which happened to be an awesome leather-interior convertible, but they realized they had locked the keys in the car. So they both kind of stood there and thought for a while.
Then one of the girls had the bright idea to try to open the car with a coat hanger, so she started fiddling with the lock. The other blonde looked up at the sky, became very worried, and pleaded,
"HURRY, HURRY, IT'S GOING TO RAIN AND WE LEFT THE TOP DOWN.