Man and Woman

W o m a n

If you kiss her, you are not gentlemen
If you don't, you are not a man
If you praise her, she thinks you are lying
If you don't, you are good for nothing
If you agree to all her likes, she is abusing
If you don't you are not understanding
If you visit her too often, she thinks it is boring
If you don't, she accuses you of double crossing
If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy
If you don't, you are a dull boy
If you are jealous, she says it's bad
If you don't, she thinks you don't love her
If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her
If you don't, she thinks you don't like her
If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold
If you kiss her too many, she yells that you are taking advantage
If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics
If you do, she thinks it's just one of the man's tactics
If you stare at other, she accuses you of flirting
If she is stared by others, she says that they are just admiring
If she talks, she wants you to listen
If you listen, she wants you to talk

In Short:
So simple, yet so complex
So weak, yet so powerful
So confusing, yet so desirable ...women!

MEN

If you kiss him, he kisses you back
If you don't, he patiently waits
If you praise him, he says thanks you
If you don't, he feels secure in your love
If you agree to all his likes, you have met your fantasy man
If you don't, you still get along
If you visit him often, he welcomes you every time
If you don't, he'll visit you instead
If you are well dressed, he says you are beautiful
If you don't, you are still beautiful
If you are jealous, he reassures you and holds you
If you're not, he gives you no reason to be
If you kiss him once in a while, he's appreciative of your affection
If you kiss him often, he will always have you on his mind
If you stare at another man, he knows that you're only admiring
If he is stared by other women you know why-he's one hot babe
If you talk, he'll always listen
If you listen, he'll tell you anything you want to know

In short:
So complex, yet so direct
So strong, yet so supportive
So dazzling, yet so humble
So passionate, yet so marvelous....MEN!

Three Men on a Hike

Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large raging, violent river. Needing to get to the other side, the first man prayed:

'God, please give me the strength to cross the river.'

Poof! .. God gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim
Across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice.

After witnessing that, the second man prayed: 'God, please give me strength and the tools to cross the river'

Poof! .. God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs and he
Was able to row across in about an hour after almost capsizing once.

Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed: 'God,
Please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to cross the
River

Poof! .. He was turned into a woman. She checked the map, hiked one
Hundred yards up stream and walked across the bridge.

Irish Wisdom

98-year-old Mother Superior from Ireland was dying.

The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable. They tried giving her some warm milk to drink but she refused it.

One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen and remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.

Back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her lips. Mother drank a little, then a little more and before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop.

'Mother,' the nuns asked with earnest, 'please give us some wisdom before you die.'

She raised herself up in bed and said, 'Don't sell that cow!'